Waiting for us now....

Our little miracle baby went to be with Jesus so now he/she is waiting for us.  We had our last ultrasound yesterday morning and although we would have been thrilled to see another miracle, we both have so much peace that God knows best.   I ended up having a D&C yesterday afternoon and I was so thankful to be able to have it done quickly so that I could start to recover and move on. It's been a long hard month.   It was the best option in our circumstances, especially with the polyp situation.  The nurses and staff at the hospital were awesome and I'm still a bit tired and crampy today, but overall feeling fine.  We have been overwhelmed by all of the friends and family who have been praying for us and writing us notes of encouragement.  Through this, God is definitely drawing us closer to Him and for that I'm grateful.  It's been a rough way to end my 20's but I turn 30 on Monday, and I'm actually really excited about entering a new season and I know God has good things in store.  So thanks again for walking through this with us and for lifting us up in prayer.  Your prayers are definitely being answered as we have been filled with God's comfort and peace.

Love you all...
Melissa 

While we wait...

No baby updates... just still waiting.  Still feeling very pregnant.  Getting sicker every day.  No idea what that means.


But on a much more fun note, Josiah... oh my little stinker.  He is 15 months going on the terrible twos.  I love him to death.  He definitely makes me laugh, smile and keeps me on my toes.  He knows exactly what he wants.  He is LOUD.  He loves to be heard.  Just take him somewhere in public and he'll say hi and bye to everyone and babble away at the one volume he knows: loud!  His vocabulary blows me away.  He repeats almost everything we say... well, everything except "Grammy."  He's definitely holding out on her.  He can say "grapes, Gabe, Shelby, Justine, highchair, light on, zebra..." you name it, he says it... except "Grammy."  I have to laugh.  She wants him to say it so bad and he just won't. 

Now when I ask him "what does the sheep say?"  he immediately answers "baaa-baaa" and the dog says "woof" and the lion says "roar."  He loves to have someone play with him and he tells us by motioning with his hand to "come here" and then he points to the floor and says "sit" and once you sit, he says "play"  :)   He loves to watch us cook (which isn't always convenient) but he loves to get the eggs out of the fridge and hand them to me one by one as I crack them and cook them.  He can "slide" down just about anything (stairs, highchair, couch, bed) and says "slide - weeee" while he does it.  Whenever I try to change his diaper, he flips onto his belly, sticks his bum in the air and says "nite-nite"  Did I mention he's a little stinker?

Anyway... this has been a fun age... although I fear we're right on the brink of a difficult one... and so far he may have his daddy's sweetness, but he's definitely got his mommy's strong-will too.  God help us.

The Roller Coaster continues...

To my family and friends who read this before I get to talk to you in person.... I hope you will understand that we are going through a lot right now and it is just emotionally exhausting to explain all of these updates over the phone.  And because I am blessed with so many people who are praying for us, it's just really helpful for me to be able to update here.

So here's the latest:

We had a very disappointing doctor's appointment yesterday morning.  Hard news and still a lot of waiting.  Our tiny little baby still has a faint heartbeat (against all odds), but has had zero growth in 8 days.  That is definitely not a good thing.  Typically with no growth in over a week this early along, his/her little heart wouldn't still even be beating... so once again, nothing in this pregnancy is typical.  My doctor was very honest with us and said there is really little chance at all that this little life will continue much longer.  She knows, as do we, that sometimes miracles happen, but while that would be a great surprise, it's not what we're expecting or putting all our hope in.   The only thing we can do is wait and see.  I still have to take it easy and I will go for yet another ultrasound next week. 

I definitely wasn't expecting this news.  I knew that the polyp could eventually be a problem, but I didn't expect there to actually be a problem with the baby's development.  Even so, Mike and I both have so much peace right now.  I'm not pretending it's easy at all.   It sucks.  But we do know that God has a plan for us and for this little life no matter what.  When I consider how things could progress, it's certainly not what I would choose, but I know He has a purpose in it all and we just want to glorify Him throughout it all.   To be honest, the last thing from my mind has been "why me?" because honestly... "why not me?"  This is a difficult road that I wouldn't wish for anyone, but I know it doesn't mean that God has something against us, or that we've done anything wrong.  In ALL things, He is GOOD.  He is the definition of good... and going through tough situations that we don't understand doesn't change that one bit. 

So as hard as it is, we are waiting... and we'll see where things go.  We hope for the best, but we believe that even in the worst, there is still hope. 

Thanks for praying with us.

Only 5 days?

Has it really only been 5 days since last Tuesday?  I feel like it's taking FOREVER to make it one week to my next appointment on Wednesday.   I was so in shock at the fact that we actually had a tiny heart beating in there on Tuesday, that I didn't ask the doctor many questions about the other news... but questions I definitely have!  I've beed doing pretty good about taking it easy like the doctor said.  It's tough, but my energy level is so low anyway,  so that helps.  Josiah has only had one or two little meltdowns that Mommy wouldn't pick him up.  He's content to just run circles around the house over and over and over again anyway!  Where does he get that energy???  He cracks me up! 

We experienced a "first" with him this weekend:  the dreaded temper-tantrum!  We'd been fortunate enough to avoid it so far... But this morning, he was in my bathroom and started to go through a drawer... to which I told him "no"... well, he said "yes" I said "no, he said "yes, yes, yes" and then he just plopped on the floor and gave us a nice little fit for about 20 seconds.  Lovely.   And then it happened again when we came downstairs and he couldn't have what he wanted.  Hopefully that smart little boy will learn quickly that's not getting him anywhere!  :)

Miracle Baby

To say the last week has been an emotional roller-coaster would be an understatement.  I didn't blog about it because we had so much in limbo that I wasn't ready to share, but now I really really need your prayers, so here's our story. 
We found out about 3 weeks ago that I was pregnant.  We were excited about Josiah being a big brother and about expanding our family.  I had told only a few people, but we were hoping to spill the beans in a few weeks.  Then last Tuesday, I bled.  A lot.  And I knew I had lost the baby.  It was devestating, but I went to the doctor and the ultrasound confirmed it.  There was no heartbeat, no baby.  They said they'd have to just take a series of blood pregnancy tests to absolutely confirm that my levels would drop, and that there wasn't a more serious issue going on.   So they drew blood Tuesday.  Then I went in and they drew blood Thursday.  Friday, the doctor's office called and said I needed to come in immediately for an ultrasound.   My levels had doubled instead of decreased and they feared it could be an ectopic pregnancy.  Once again, the ultrasound showed no baby, no heartbeat.  The doctor told me it could be one of several things:  the miscarriage could be incomplete and the tissue left could be causing the levels to rise, it could be ectopic, or it could be healthy twins that just weren't as far along as I thought.  Talk about a lot to digest!  He said I'd have to wait and do another blood test on Monday and talk to my doctor Tuesday.  So as hard as the waiting was, I made it to Tuesday: today.  I didn't know what to think... I didn't know whether to grieve, to hope or to fear.  All weekend I was feeling worse and worse symptoms of pregnancy (nausea, exhaustion, hunger, tenderness) but I felt very sure I'd lost a baby last week, and assumed it was just lingering hormones.  Then I bled again this morning.  So I went to my appointment, only to have her tell me that my levels had doubled again and that I would have to have another ultrasound. The levels were way too high to just be caused by leftover tissue from a miscarriage, but this definitely was not normal. If the ultrasound was the same as the last two, we'd proceed as if it were ectopic and they'd have to give me a shot to stop the baby from growing because ectopic pregnancy is extremely dangerous. 

So this afternoon, I went for my 3rd ultrasound, and much to all of our surprise, she found a baby with a heartbeat in my uterus!!!!  Apparently the baby was conceived much later than we thought and so it just wasn't big enough to show up last week!!!  After a week of being convinced I'd miscarried, I'm actually pregnant! This means the baby will be due sometime in early to mid June. There are still some big concerns though.  They also found what may be a polyp in my uterus and that can cause miscarriage. Also, the bleeding I experienced hasn't been explained and is concerning.  My doctor was still very positive and reassured me that seeing the baby and the heartbeat is very good news.  Even so, I am on very restricted activity and I go for another ultrasound next week.  This is why I want you to pray!!! 

Please pray for our little miracle baby!  Pray that what looks like a polyp, isn't.  Pray for a healthy, full-term pregnancy.  It's still possible that I lost a baby last week... I could have been pregnant with twins and lost one, but I know that whatever happens, God has a plan for this life that He created, and I pray it will bring Him glory.  Pray that I will do as I'm told and take it easy this week.  It's going to be very hard with Josiah wanting his mommy to pick him up, but I am so thankful that we are living with family and there are extra hands around to help.  Pray that Mike and I will choose to think on the promises of God and not on all of the "what if's" that try to discourage us.  This little baby has already surprised us all and beaten the odds.... This life is a miracle.

Energy... his not mine!

Just a snapshot of my energetic little guy... he wears me out, but I sure love him!